If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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