what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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