If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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