Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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