When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
