we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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