I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Even my vagina gasped.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize