She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
