What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize