I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
