I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
try to milk me bitch
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