I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
