The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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