Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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