I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
