I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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