i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
