you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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