i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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