Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
