dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
