I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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