im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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