You really coming over, don't trick.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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