I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
