When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
