can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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