Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
