Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
