Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
