if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
