he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
