When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
