Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
