3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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