We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
