could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
