i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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