I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
