So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
