I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
