dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
