We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
