I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
