I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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