I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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