He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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