No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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