I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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