i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
