your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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