at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
PANTIES FOUND
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