She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
