I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
