Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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