Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize