You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
