Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
