This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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