Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
PANTIES FOUND
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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