eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
