I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
