If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
