somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
3pm strippers are depressing
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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