You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
