I want to have your abortion
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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