Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
