Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I need a burrito and a hug.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
