if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
