if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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