just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
