There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
