Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
