you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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