i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
