why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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