i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
