just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
