the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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