When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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