So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
