i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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