do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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