Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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